Not what I expected...

Ethan and I had the privilege of working with World Changers again this summer. We were transferred to Puerto Rico, which I happen to love! I was the Project Coordinator and Ethan was the Worship Speaker. I was so thrilled to be able to go to this place that I love and run a mission project that would help the people out immensely. We had such an amazing time last year in New Orleans with World Changers that I was expecting a similar experience.

However, it was nothing like I thought it would be. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety about the upcoming trip that by the time we arrived in San Juan, I was almost overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. It was hard to really enjoy our "time off" because I was still having to work on the project and deal with the random things that had come up. When we got to the project city, I was not feeling well. I kept feeling worse and worse, until I was sick enough to need to go to the doctor. That was very difficult. Being sick and trying to run a 200+ mission project is not easy. I had great people around me that worked so hard. It is because of them that the project even happened!

But me being sick was really the least of the problems that we had. We did not have supplies for most of the week at most of the houses. We were supposed to complete 9 houses and we did not even come close to finishing 1. We had no electricity for a whole day on registration day so that made checking people in difficult. We had a group cancel and two groups miss flights and arrive late. Our worship leader was not feeling well at the end of the week. We had issues with credit cards, so buying food for camp was difficult. And we had two of the participants have family members die while we were there. It was one of those weeks where I sat back and asked God why he had even brought me there!

Now sitting back and looking at the week, I can see that God was moving all throughout. The gospel was presented many many times and people were loved on by the youth that came. This is the most important thing. When they did not have building supplies, they were meeting neighbors, praying over the community and sharing their faith with people. I learned a lot personally about relying on other people and not taking so much on myself. I also learned a lot about faith and trust in the Lord. I really deal with anxiety a lot, to the point that it is really a problem sometimes. This week really tested that in my life and in my faith. I wish I could snap my fingers and be calm and not worry, but this is not the case. I'm not quite sure what all God is teaching me through what happened last week in Puerto Rico. I may never see what all God was and is doing in Juana Diaz, however I am sure he is working. However, I will see what God is doing in my life and in our marriage, although I may not understand why. I will say this, I am much more open now about my life and my struggles than I have ever been before. I'm not sure whether this is good or bad, but it certainly helps to not keep it bottled up.

I have a doctor's appointment next week to follow up from the one in Puerto Rico/annual check up. I'm a bit nervous, but I know the Lord is in control. Maybe this blog is turning into an anxiety blog...you may learn more of my struggles that you ever wanted to know!